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Goddess sense of humor...

“Goddess sense of humor”.  My wife, Jeani, and I use this term often.  It means that when the most ironic things happen to make us shake our heads, reconsider our actions, or feel that we’ve been given a good slap in the face…this is “Goddess sense of humor”.

The Goddess, any Goddess, has her way of letting us know when we are on the right track, or the wrong one.  But, figuring out which track you’re on is the challenge.  If we have intentionally burned a bridge, like I have recently done, she may dangle a carrot, just to see how seriously we wanted that bridge burned.  My Goddess dangled a carrot at me, this morning, and all I could do was shake my head, and laugh.  At least I’m laughing.  Personally, I am dedicated to the Norse Goddess, Freyja, and believe me, she has quite the sense of humor.

Due to the crappy economy, and various other obstacles, my wife and I are presently closing the doors of both our small businesses.  We are in mourning.  It truly feels like death around here, and we are devastated.  Only a couple weeks ago, a friend e-mailed me her bitingly cruel opinion of our “pity party” and, well, made me cry…non-stop, for two days.  I don’t like to cry for a couple days, but, it made me reconsider our friendship.  So much so, that I ended our friendship, and told her “I’m done.  You’re out of my life.”  I doubt that this was a surprise to her, as the cruel things she said to me were probably her way of saying the same thing.

So, this morning, while doing my “let’s see what jobs are out there” ritual, I found that she has posted a job, that was my corporate forte’, years ago.  She works for a large company in San Francisco, and, coincidently, does the same kind of work I used to do.  So, my former friend is looking to hire someone to do a job in which I have extensive experience.

THAT, my friends, is “Goddess sense of humor”!

It’s a test.  It’s the Goddess’ way of testing our conviction.  She will watch us burn that bridge, then dangle a carrot on the other side, just to see if we will try to put out the fire, to get the carrot, or if we will walk away.  I can almost hear Her say, “have you REALLY learned this lesson in, not just friendship, but, in loyalty, and how people can lose their humanity, like you did, back in those days of corporate slavery, to become cruel shells of what they once were?”

Well, I sat back to think about it, which is, I think, always good to do when your Goddess is poking you or dangling things at you.  I learned, a long time ago, that if you ignore what your Goddess is trying to tell you, She will keep poking you.  The pokes get worse and worse, until something forces you out of whatever it was She saw as your downfall.  She WILL be heard, so, one must learn to see the signs.

For years, I knew that my corporate job was killing me, spiritually…poke.  But the money was good…poke.  I liked the job, but many of the people with whom I worked, had no souls…POKE.   Then, I found that I had become one of the zombies…POKE.  But, I ignored it.  And so, the job was taken away…POOF.  I was horribly humiliated, just for good measure, then, tossed aside.  The signs were all there, but I ignored them, so Freyja stepped in.  There…that’s it…done.

This time, I recognized it!  It shows that I CAN be trained!  So I sat down and thought:  Owning my own business is over.  I want to continue living in my house.  So, unfortunately, I have to find a job, or something that gives me money to pass on to the mortgage company.  My former friend posted a job.  I need a job.  The money would be good.  But it’s a job with a long, expensive commute.  Many hours a day would be spent commuting.  I would hate that.  Could I do the job?  Sure.  Would I like it?  I might like it, but I’d probably hate it if I had to work with zombies like her.  And, well, it would feel like I’m going backwards in life, not forward.  And, REALLY, would I want her to be my boss?!  Oh, HELL no!  Besides, she’s out of my life…right?  Right.  I’m letting that bridge burn to the ground.  Let’s char some marshmallows!

So, my point is:  When you’ve been slapped with “Goddess sense of humor”, take some time to think about what it is you’re being told.  If you’re on the wrong path, VEER OFF, QUICKLY!  If your conviction is being tested, either, stand by it, or take it off the table and hide it in your pocket.  Period.  Choose your battle.  Fight it.  Then move on to the next…there will be more.  Live it.  Live your convictions, or step aside.  Learn from your mistakes, or you will be taught.  It is harsh, but, it is the way of the Universe, and, certainly the way Freyja handles things.

But, do I hope that someday this friendship can be rebuilt?  Yes.  I do.  But it will take both of us to rebuild it, and, frankly, I’m not holding my breath.  Would I listen, if she were to call?  Yes.  And I hope we would work out these hurts.  But, I also know that we both do not feel the same love toward one another.  That bridge has burned down.  It will never again be warm and soft to the touch.  Only a new bridge, with all its cold edges, can be built, and, well, it would be…new.

Comments

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
kathrynkyair
May. 31st, 2012 03:45 am (UTC)
Update from Kathryn:

My friend has courage. She phoned, to apologize, and to talk. It felt like the fire department showed up to pour water all over this burning bridge that was our friendship. It is damaged, yes...but it still stands. Thank you, my friend. I loved you then, and I love you now...now we will put the pieces back together, ja?

Kathryn Kyair
Britt Sandkulla-Sinclair
Oct. 22nd, 2012 11:24 pm (UTC)
Yes we will, it will take time but everything that is important usually does. I'm glad you have the online shop, I've got a cart started. You have some great things happening there!!

B
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )

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